Winter

We went to zoo lights again, this time I was armed with my camera that mom got me for Christmas. We stopped at pioneer square on the way so I could get a picture of C with the tree.

Zoo lights the second time was interesting. It was dumping rain like literally lol and we ran into M. M and I aren't talking very much right now and I have pretty much moved on. He hurt me by his absent behavior and not letting me know what was up. Turns out he decided he would stop seeing me to help make things with Mom and I better. That's nice of him except for the fact he decided this then forgot to mention it to me so here I am wondering why the man I loved never messages me, or never answers when I call. Never tries to see me anymore. Yep. It was great. He hurt me and I may forgive but I don't forget. He will always be the one who hurt me for no reason and I can't trust him now. He might do it again? OH and the best part.... When we saw him at zoo lights, he was wearing his effing wedding ring again. Um dude you aren't married anymore. Get over it!

So I am on the other side of the hurt and the anger and I am moving on without M. We may still be friends but I will never love him again like I loved him before.

Post Christmas woohoo

My mom got me a new digital camera for Christmas! And R got me an I-tunes gift card so with it I bought the movie friends with benefits and a couple songs. Mom got herself an iPad which is cool. She bought a tracing app and with it I made this awesome picture of my favorite TOS Star Trek characters.....

Christmas stuff

Well it is once again that fated holiday where people eat too much, worry about the things they get rather then give, and tend to be in a bad mood because songs about the season are on the radio and not the latest shit from Katy Perry or Lady Gaga....  yep.  it's THAT time of year again and I am trying to make the best of it.

We went to the Tree lighting and the Macy's day after thanksgiving parade like we do every year.  We went and saw santa and tonight we put up our tree.

Waving at Santa at the tree lighting

"Look at the lights mommy!"

"I want a Police Cruzer please Santa"

Best friend

We are going to the zoo today with B my best friend. We have known each other since we were freshman in hs and have been friends since sophomore year. He spent a year in Iraq last year and I can't even explain how amazing it is to have him back in town.

Do not know what to do here

Why do good things seem to come at bad times. Or decisions get made and you do things that seem like a good idea but then cause more issues after. I am stressed and freaking out and I don't know what to do. I have numbers to call and things to do and I am so confused. I thought it was a good idea but now I am regretting it and I can't take it back. What do I do? Seriously, FREAKING OUT HERE!!!

Hate

I don't like feeling so angry all the time so I am taking steps to try to change things. Sorry it's short but it's all I can process right now hope things get better though. Whatever that means.

Funny shit

Saw the movie "going the distance" omfg so funny like seriously, mothers are great, you wouldn't be here without her vagina! Lol

Having dinner at M's tonight. I'm looking forward to it. I think we are having Ikea swedish meatballs lol we got them from ikea yesterday. I think tonight will be good for us, get some time to talk, hang out, C will be there too so I really hope he isn't too crazy -like usual - we are also trying to figure out what to do today later, zoo, bowling, ice skating. The weather is so crapy (hello fall in Oregon) I would really like to do something outside but it's not really an option with 3 inches of rain just today :-(

Ikea, sigh, so much stuff there i want and so cheap. I got a 'briefcase' for $16 and a umbrella for $3! It's pink and I love it except I don't believe in umbrellas lol I'm an Oregonian after all.... They (ikea) have this new rewards program called ikea family. I signed up, you get free coffee or tea each visit, and with each purchase an entry into a drawing to win $100 ikea gift card, wish me luck I could really use it for sure.

bazaar times

I've been looking at different ways to get C involved in the coming holiday, he seems ready and willing to skip over Thanksgiving and head straight to "Santa's eve" as he calls it.  I saw these awesome little candle centerpiece ideas on a friend K's blog and just needed to share them!

 

Check out her blog Mostly Mommyhood and while you are there you can enter to win a $100 giftcard from Safeway! 

Another holiday that has come and gone this year with slight bit of regret on my part is Veterans Day. M and I took C to the Veterans day parade that makes it's way through the hollywood district starting at Grant HS. Now, I know several Veterans, and people who are actively serving in the military, C's godfather B for example. Therefore I feel like I could do more to honor the men and women who have served our country throughout the years. I think in years to come I would like to get C involved in some kind of service project to help veterans, homeless veterans perhaps.  But for now here are some pictures from our fun at the parade.

Sunday this past week Mom and I participated in a bazaar of sorts at Fabric Depot.  It was an employee crafts bazaar and the intent was it would only be open for employees to shop with the hopes that it's the foundation for a yearly craft fair there.  I was selling earrings and mom made various rings.  we didn't sell much but that wasn't the point, it was to be the first so that it can evlolve into something bigger and better in years to come.

I think I am going to look into an online outlet to sell my earrings, etsy or something similar, I hear from my friend S that etsy isn't as great as it used to be, so perhaps zibbet where she sells.

M, my safest place to hide

I love M. He means so much to me. I find myself constantly thinking about him. Wishing I was with him. He is such a good person, nice, sweet, caring. He makes me feel like I'm important to him. Like yesterday his roommate E got called in to work the graveyard shift at the Zoo so he gave him a ride and the was gonna take him home but since we had breakfast plans he was going to drive E home all the way to Boring then back to me. It's a half hour each way longer if the traffic sucks. I just thought it was sweet. The text he sent me said "I can't let you win every time. You would be spoiled, but, I will take E home and drive back and be with you." How sweet is that! He would go out of his way to see me.

He does frustrate me though. Like he is still trying to make his ex wife happy by not acknowledging me on Facebook - don't get me wrong I understand to a point the issues with her. But also at some point you need to put your current before your past. Am I wrong? Really, am I wrong? I know it's just Facebook but I feel like the secret in the closet. I feel like I need him to be honest about me everywhere or maybe we should take a break until he's ready to do that.

It's so frustrating because he's making an effort to see me more, but he still hides me from his family - Trust me, I understand that they (she - the ex) is weirded out by our age difference (30 years), and she still has most of his stuff since he doesn't have his own place yet, but my mom is just as disturbed by the age difference yet I deal with the backlash from it all the time because it's important to me to be honest about our relationship. Sigh. Idk what to do.

Insert good title ______here

I purchased all three 'lord of the ring' movies from Safeway today for $5 each (!!!!!) I've never been a huge fan of the series, couldn't really get into it, but for that cheap I figure I can watch them all for once.

Things have been quite strange around here lately. Mom and I argue quote a lot yet the past few days have been very good. Today for example, went to two bazaars, lunch, did some christmas shopping for C, home. Cooked a fantastic dinner and shared a bottle and a half of wine. Today was nearly a perfect day!

I am quite nervous about some things that are neither good nor bad, and nervous isn't exactly correct either. I can't explain what I'm talking about until I know what I'm talking about, if that makes any sense lol but I should know soon enough!

OHSA meeting

Well am I sooooooo glad I signed myself up for this. Ugh meetings are so not fun. It's a great organization to be involved with, just meetings always have their ups and downs. Going to ne glad to be home to stay - at least till the end of the month.

Selfish

Yes. I am talking about myself. I am selfish. I want things. I have dreams I want to come true. Here is the list of my wants in no particular order:

A car
A ring
A house
Another child
Love

See my list of demands isn't so outrageous really. Just a few things every girl wants. I can sum it up in just a few words. I want my happily ever after! M could be the best person for me. We get along so well, he makes me laugh, he is such a sweetie, oh and chivalrous. I love him so much. <3

Thank god it is over

The end of a long day. For me it was pretty ok, for C it was one of the longest days this month. School, then downtown to see the band Parachute in the bing lounge, then lunch at the mall, then the library, then the bus to the depot, then dinner at busters (C wasn't hungry so all head was pickles), then finally to R's house for trick or treating. Phew. Laying it all out like that I can see why I had two Starbucks drinks today. And the moment you've all been waiting for.............pictures!

More Halloween

Alphabeticians Halloween party yesterday at mississippi pizza!

Mr Hoo (left) and Mr E (right) the alphabeticians

Baby Mosh pit!!

Bali brought a date

C getting right up in the middle of it all

It's Monkey Time

Even Superman needs a nap sometimes

I Hate Halloween

It's true. I've never really liked the holiday. Here are some Halloween party pictures from last night at mt. Caramel Lutheran church's Halloween party.

I am a black widow (not the spider) and C is Clark Kent/Superman (he came up with the costume idea on his own)

Pirates Booty lol

J playing GHOST (BINGO)

Clark Kent, no wait it's SUPERMAN

Cake Walk

Pirate J and his Bucaneer J